Happy Friday one and all. A lot of not-so-funny things happened in the UK this week, so let's dive into some of the sillier stories that emerged to take our minds off it.
Suella Braverman stood on a guide dog at the Tory party conference this week, which, while not a good look for anyone, is particularly unfortunate for someone whose name rhymes with Cruella.
Meanwhile, former culture secretary Matt Hancock is taking part in another game show, SAS Who Dares Wins, after his turn on I'm A Celeb last year. In shocking revelations, the chief instructor on the show said the politician got "quite annoying at times". Diary wonders whether charities will see more than 3% of his appearance fees this time.
Mick Jagger hints at leaving £400m legacy to charities
In other celeb news, Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger hinted he will be leaving his £400m legacy to charities when he dies, in an interview with the Wall Street Journal.
Jagger did not specify which charities would receive the princely sum but he said his eight children “don’t need $500m to live on”.
This brings back a childhood memory of Diary's parents saying “you don’t need another slice of chocolate cake” – whilst it's strictly true, one can imagine it would still be quite nice.
At least the lucky charities that receive his fortune will be painting their account books black (sorry).
Judi Dench (human) meets Judi Dench (seal)
National treasure Judi Dench had the pleasure of having a seal pup named after her this week when she visited the Cornish Seal Sanctuary.
Judi Dench (seal) was admitted to the sanctuary's hospital after being found dehydrated and with several wounds on Milhook Haven beach, according to a report by the BBC.
Diary wonders whether Dench (human) was secretly offended by the charity naming what sounds like a rather decrepit seal after her. Apparently not, as Dench (human) is a keen animal lover.
The sanctuary's fundraising manager told the BBC the seal coming into the hospital the day the actress visited was "like fate", presumably because it looked so much like her.
Knitted fundraiser
Breast cancer charity Future Dreams is set to receive funds from an auction of a knitted postbox topper of Kylie Minogue.
The artist is known as Syston Knitting Banxy. The real Kylie posed with the postbox topper before her performance in Leicester last week.
Minogue asked for her knitted doppelganger to be auctioned off for the charity. She received treatment for breast cancer in 2005.
The auction for the knitted Kylie has reached £350 so far, but there are still 25 days left to bid.
Mystery fungus
National Trust is asking its followers to name a rather strange-looking fungus today.
Cousin It and the Lorax sprung to mind for some X users. Diary cannot help but see it as an off-colour Santa beard or Michael Fabricant's discarded hair.
Name this fungus - wrong answers only.
— National Trust (@nationaltrust) October 6, 2023
Photo: Andy Chick pic.twitter.com/CoGz8BQHLd
RSPB welcomes autumn
RSPB welcomed in the new month by showing an albatross in brighter climes on 30 September and then a more gothic-looking one on 1 October.
Diary, for one, agrees that we are now in the depths of spooky season and is planning to surprise colleagues with trick or treats throughout the month. What these are will remain a mystery to keep fear levels at an all-time high.
Sep 30th vs Oct 1st
— RSPB (@Natures_Voice) October 1, 2023
📸 Steffen Oppel pic.twitter.com/tBY7HQO29F
