Happy hot Friday, reader, and welcome to a nice chilled column of trivial charity news, fresh from Society Diary’s fridge.
As Lenin once said, there are decades when nothing happens and there are weeks where decades happen. Then there are weeks like this one in which something big happens but everyone is too sweaty to care that much.
Diary thinks England’s World Cup team cares though. When Kane skied it against Ghana it looked like he was lashing out in protest at the early demise of Sir Keir’s premiership. Either that, or the witch doctor curse was real.
Scotland’s players also failed to cover themselves in glory against Brazil and now risk crashing out of the tournament. But the country has redeemed itself by producing some elite-level charity World Cup content.
John McPenguin
Cast your minds back to the start of this year’s World Cup and you may remember Scottish fans getting very excited about their national side thrashing footballing giants Haiti one-nil.
To be fair, John McGinn’s strike was the country’s first goal at the tournament in 28 years.
In tribute, the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland named a new member of Edinburgh Zoo’s penguin colony after the midfielder.
Zoo keeper Alison MacLean: “We noticed one of our gentoo penguin chicks has a strong left flipper and knew we had to name them after the man himself.
“While our McGinn won’t be scoring goals anytime soon, we hope visitors will enjoy seeing the curious chick grow up. Who knows, they might just get a call from Steve Clarke for the 2030 squad.”
Diary’s not sure what FIFA’s rules are on flightless birds participating but the slippery characters could prove difficult to man mark.
Jumpers for goalposts
Meanwhile, David Houston, a Scot and CEO of Brian House Children’s Hospice, has released a World Cup song called Funny How Scotland Won Every World Cup (When We Were Young).
It is a nostalgic ditty about being a football fan as a youngster in the days of Subbuteo, sticker albums, kick abouts with tennis balls and Archie Gemmill.
Diary has been playing the song all week and can confirm that it slaps, bangs and is a bop as the kids say now.
The tongue-in-cheek title has confused Diary though. It must mean that although Scotland never actually won any silverware, its young fans felt like winners because of the joy and pride watching their side gave them. Which is the same as losing.
Nevertheless, it is enough to make Diary down a bottle of full-sugar Irn Bru, paint their face blue and white, catch the first flight to North America and enrol in the Tartan Army before the team exits the cup.
But wait, the song also contains a serious message about the financial struggles faced by children’s hospices, with money raised from its streams going to Blackpool-based Brian House and Children’s Hospices Across Scotland.
Extra time
In other World Cup charity-related news, PETA’s protestors painted their bodies in national flags and lined the streets of Mexico City to deliver the message: “Score for Animals, Go Vegan.”
Animal charity RSPCA warned “wannabee Pickfords” that football nets pose a threat to young wildlife.
The Church of England wrote a World Cup prayer, asking God for “compassion and perspective on the miskicks, missed penalties and muddled VARs”.
And Ed Sheeran is reportedly set to earn a few quid from Shakira and Burna Boy’s official World Cup song Dai Dai, which he co-wrote. Shakira is donating her proceeds to the Fifa Global Citizen Education Fund but the ginger English minstrel is supposedly keeping his share, so that’s nice for him.
