Society Diary: Ducks go deluxe as charities spark pun frenzy

15 Nov 2019 Voices

With Boris accusing BBC interviewer Naga Munchetty of asking the “most difficult psychological question ever” when quizzed over whether he is “relatable”, this week Diary has decided to grapple with two equally flummoxing questions; are ducks getting a bit posh and; what is the correct pronunciation of the word “vase”?

We've decided we will not be posing these questions to Boris, for fear of causing him additional fluster.

Please don’t feed the ducks - unless it is custom made

Diary is quacking mad this week, with an inbox filling up with bird puns.

Why? Well the good people of Cobham Conservation and Heritage Trust have teamed up with Princess Alice Hospice to give their local community of ducks the VIP treatment. Visitors to the area have been all a-flap over the Trust's custom-made duck pellet sales, which are available for sale at the hospice's Cobham shop.

The “posh nosh” being served up to the charities' “feathered friends” is said to be better for them than common or garden bread, and not only that, but £1 from every packet is being donated to the hospice.

Area retail manager Libby Dey “said” in a press release: “It’s a wing-wing situation.” (It’s not polite to roll eyeballs at good people, so it’s lucky the dear reader can’t see Diary right now.)

She added: “There’s a new CCHT sign at the duck feeding station telling people they can get the special duck food at the hospice shop – so they pop along to buy it and often end up browsing our rails and shelves for bargains. It’s a great way of being part of the community in which the hospice’s services are available.”

The trust holds an annual duck race on the River Mole every September, dedicated to the protection, enhancement and development of Conservation Areas. Diary will be there next year having a gander.

Buy a pot of gold for only a quid

Diary was very happy to hear of a shopper who bought a vase for £1 in charity shop and sold it for almost half a million pounds, but hopes that the charity shop might get a look in on some of the dosh.

Having procured the item from an unspecified charity shop, the mystery bargain hunter put the small yellow vase (please read as “vaaz”) up for sale online and was inundated with offers which seemed vastly overpriced. Indeed, upon realising this might be a nice little urn-er, he promptly took it down.

An expert revealed it was inscribed with an imperial poem and stamped with the royal mark of the Quianlong Emperor, who ruled the Qing dynasty from 1735 to 1796. Sworders Fine Art Auctioneers' in Stansted Mountfitchet revealed the small, pear-shaped vase was specifically designed for the emperor, with its vibrant yellow colour being reserved only for royals.

Diary would likely take early retirement if it received this sort of windfall, but in the meantime you will find us scouring Clapham High Street in search of similar trinkets. Royal Trinity Hospice, we're looking at you - time to come up with the goods!

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