Happy Friday, dear readers. Given the week that has just been – one in which football has triumphed over politics by several goals to, well, probably, a minus number – Society Diary has decided to park its otherwise razor-sharp political satire for a week. Diary thinks that we’ve probably all had just about enough of politics for a little while.
Instead, this week in charity sector satire, we just take a tour of rural England, visiting people in the countryside who are doing odd things for charity.
Also it's #BringYourDogToWorkDay and charities are all over it.
Pie in the sky
First off this week to Derbyshire, and for starters, yes, Diary is aware that a Bakewell is in fact a tart, and not a pie. However, in the interests of the vaguely punny headline, we’re going to go with pie.
Anyway, the children of S. Anselm’s Preparatory School in Derbyshire, have reportedly launched a Bakewell tart attached to a high altitude balloon into space. As part of this stunt/scientific experiment, the pupils have raised around £1,600 for Guide Dogs for the Blind from local firms.
Now, sure, you’re probably thinking: ‘Oh, this is a nice story but why exactly is Diary flagging this to me, the dear reader on this, the fifth day of the working week?’
Well, that has something to do with the headline: “Bakewell pudding sent to the edge of space goes missing”.
The tart was fixed with “tracking devices” which showed that at around 52,500 feet above Saxilby, near Lincoln, contact was lost.
Yes, that's right readers, there’s a Bakewell tart literally missing in space. Diary doesn’t want to come off half-baked here, but it feels slightly sad at the thought of a shortcrust pastry shell made up of layers of jam, frangipane and flaked almonds drifting alone for eternity in the cold, empty, vastness of space.
Also, just imagine if an advanced alien race, somewhere out there in space, comes across this tart, this unidentified flying pudding (or UFP, if you will) and it’s their first interaction with mankind and, off-put by the highly questionable decision to include frangipane in anything, decide immediately to destroy Earth entirely.
Now, that’s what Diary calls just desserts.
This story has captured the imagination of many, including Stephen Fry:
My country, my country... pic.twitter.com/u6FyCDScXd
— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) June 19, 2018
Fry's tweet received thousands of likes, as well as an absolute gem of a comment from someone, who tweeted: “But doesn’t it just make you feel so pastriotic?”
The Ed head
To Suffolk now, and the news that noted singer and yer ma’s not-so-secret crush, Ed Sheeran has donated a “life-sized Lego model he made of his own head to his local charity shop”.
According to the BBC, the staff at St Elizabeth Hospice in Framlingham, Suffolk praised the “brick bust” – a wonderful use of alliteration, it must be said – as an “incredible donation”.
Alongside the Lego construction, which makes Sheeran look, frankly, like an old 8-bit video game character, the singer also donated a “record player, skateboard, headphones, school books” and, Diary’s quoting directly here, some “Heinz tomato sauce memorabilia”.
What exactly is Heinz tomato sauce memorabilia? We’ll never know.
Anyway, the charity shop has said it is considering what to do with the Lego model, but said it may display it at its Ipswich hospice "before possibly auctioning it".
Doesn’t this really get to the heart of the Ed Sheeran conundrum? On the one hand, he makes appallingly stale, paint-by-numbers music, cynically targeted at one very specific demographic and then mass-marketed and produced to generate as much money as humanly possible. He is, in many ways, exactly what’s wrong with modern music.
However, having said that, he’s clearly a nice guy. So, Diary supposes, there’s always that.
Bangers and mash
Finally, to Maidstone, and the news that a “banger car rally” will be taking off on 27 June and heading all the way down to Monaco, to raise money “to build pre-schools for children” in East Africa.
The rally, organised by Parenta Trust charity in partnership with Field of Life, will see teams “drive more than 2,000 miles in five days in ‘banger’ cars costing no more than £350”, aiming to arrive in Monaco on 1 July.
This ‘banger rally’ does sound like something that Jeremy Clarkson and co might have done back in the day where Top Gear was… well, not good, but kind of alright. Also, when this email arrived in Diary’s email, the first thing it saw was ‘banger’ and it couldn’t help but picture a gathering of thousands of sentient sausages.
It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times…
#BringYourDogToWorkDay
It's #BringYourDogToWorkDay, which is basically just another excuse for everyone to stop worrying about Trump and Brexit, and instead share pictures of dogs on Twitter.
As ever charities did not disappoint. Here are some of the best.
Every day at Cats Protection is #Bringyourdogtoworkday! Meet some of the puptastic pooches who grace the National Cat Centre each day. What would your dog's job title be? #TakeYourDogToWorkDay pic.twitter.com/9YMPFmkfJX
— Cats Protection (@CatsProtection) June 22, 2018
Meet Biscuit, our smallest member of staff at The Argory, @nationaltrustni.#BringYourDogToWork #TakeYourDogToWorkDay pic.twitter.com/qmqopckEYi
— National Trust (@nationaltrust) June 22, 2018
Already hard at work helping out with some filing! #takeyourdogtoworkday
— Dog School Kent (@DogSchoolKent) June 22, 2018
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.#coco #labrador #blacklab #labradorlove #labradorable #littlehelper #cute #ilovedogs #ilovemyjob #dogsofinstagram #petstagram #instapet #dogschool #dogstrust #adogisforlife #adifl #rescue pic.twitter.com/gFpwalpBPq
For the definitive research in this important area we turn to a Twitter poll by NCVO last summer.
Charities, we're curious – do you let staff and volunteers bring dogs into your office?
— NCVO (@NCVO) August 10, 2017
And it seems that NCVO listened to the people and has made its office dog friendly (for today at least).
. @shaundelaney finds love Ruby has come to @NCVO #BringYourDogToWork pic.twitter.com/VMlHqfKYh7
— NCVO Volunteering (@NCVOvolunteers) June 22, 2018
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