Happy Friday everyone. Diary hopes you enjoyed your bank-holiday truncated working week. One could really get used to these four day weeks – sadly though, that is but a pipe dream.
In a week where Donald Trump fired the starting pistol on an all-out international trade war and a Russian journalist appeared at a news conference which had been held ostensibly to announce his death, the charity sector had its own fair share of ups and downs.
This week in charity sector satire: Big Suze off of Peep Show gets all sweary defending Camila Batmanghelidjh in the Daily Mail; a charity shop in Jersey takes delivery of a used sex-toy; Rebekah Vardy (may have) dressed up as one of the Teletubbies for Barnardo’s and a #DiaryExclusive regarding a major leadership change at NCVO… sort of.
Celebrity, Bat (virtue) signal
First this week, we must grudgingly turn our attentions to Camila Batmanghelidjh, the “colourful” founder and former chief executive of Kids Company. Ah yes, everyone remembers Kids Company, right? The organisation that didn’t so much wind down as it did very publicly self-implode, like a dying star or Macaulay Culkin’s career, all over the front pages and television screens of the UK in the summer of 2015.
Yes Kids Company really did set the benchmark pretty high when it came to charity sector catastrophes. Celebrity endorsements, vast quantities of public money, photo-ops with the then Prime Minister, lurid stories of young people paid off with new sneakers and all manner of other, bizarre backhanders and, at the centre of it all, kitted up like a modern-day Joseph and his technicolour dream cloak, there was Camila Batmanghelidjh in her rainbow collages.
The charity sector at large would, no doubt, be happier never to have to hear Camila’s name again, such were the shockwaves that the collapse of Kids Company generated and rippled out across the wider sector. Yet, for reasons best known to herself, a minor royal and actress has taken to the Daily Mail, of all places, to dredge it all up again.
Sophie Winkleman, wife of Lord Frederick Windsor, best known for playing Big Suze on the British sitcom Peep Show, has accused those who brought Kids Company down of being “grubby little twats” and lashed out at the government of the time who “went” for the Iranian-born charity boss because “she’s a woman, and a bit foreign”.
One could debate the rightness or wrongness of that last sentence until the cows come home, but Winkleman wasn’t done there. “It was so evil what was done to her and that magnificent company,” she continued, apparently using the word ‘company’ un-ironically. “Getting out a tenner and not logging it? F*ck you! I worship the woman”.
Winkleman, who had been speaking at “a Saatchi Gallery party in Chelsea” also apparently said that Kids Company’s services were desperately still needed because “people in Britain are sh*t at looking after their children”.
Yes, that must be it.
Diary rarely deigns to speak on behalf of the sector but, in this particular instance, perhaps it’s best to just leave sleeping Bats lie.
Good vibrations
To the island of Jersey next, and the Headway Charity shop in St Helier, and the news that someone has donated a – and Diary’s quoting the Daily Record here – “second-hand sex toy”.
Let the Record stand for itself, because it’s gold. “It seemed like a cock and bull story when staff at a charity shop were told where that buzzing and vibrating was coming from. But, when they rushed to look, they realised it was true – someone had donated a sex toy”.
Diary doesn’t want to sound like a prude, but the last thing you’d want to receive from someone else is their used vibrator. Come on, people! Take the vibe of the room.
The story continues: “worse still, the rampant rabbit was second-hand so somebody – perhaps lots of people – had been having plenty of fun with it”.
Jez Strictland, from the charity shop, told the paper “it is surprising what people bring in to us. They often have an innocent explanation, such as if they’re trying to clear out a relative’s flat as quickly as possible”.
Yes, that’s the ticket, bury the offending dildo under a couple of old blouses and, if anyone asks any questions, blame the whole thing on nanny Dorine. It’s the perfect crime.
One could say that this story has got the whole of St Helier a-buzz!
Po-faced
To Barnardo’s now, and the news that the charity’s new family ambassador, and I’m A Celebrity celebrity, Rebekah Vardy may or (almost definitely) may not be dressing up as one of The Teletubbies at an up-coming fundraising event.
Yes, in a press release sent to Diary’s inbox earlier in the week, it was announced that Vardy would be “putting her best foot forward at the public launch of this year’s Big Toddle at Dudley Zoo”.
The Big Toddle event will be held in concert with everyone and their children’s favourite multi-coloured flatmates: The Teletubbies.
The press release says that: “Vardy will be joined by her children and one of the Teletubbies for the Toddle at Dudley Zoo”. So, no, it seems that Rebekah herself won’t be donning the Teletubby outfit.
However, the release mentions nothing about her footballing husband, Jamie Vardy. So… Diary’s just connecting the dots here. Quite how dressing up as one of the Teletubbies will affect Jamie’s World Cup preparations remains to be seen however.
Life’s a beach
Finally this week, and in a relatively rare coup for Diary, it’s managed to dredge up a rather meaty (semi)exclusive news story regarding the future leadership of NCVO.
It would seem that, after nearly 25 years at the helm of the organisation, Sir Stuart Etherington is off to pastures new.
Now, technically, this story has already been broken by at least one news service, but Diary’s still pretty sure it can pass this off as an exclusive. Yes, Etherington’s out and, Angela Sealey is in as CEO.
She joins the National Council of Voluntary Organisations from Children and Youth Services which, Diary’ll just quickly Google here, is a “government agency responsible for providing 24-hour residential services to children in need of care and protection”. Never heard of it, but it sounds great.
National Council OF Voluntary Organisations, doesn’t sound right though. Have they had a bit of a rebrand? Ah, no matter. Let not the mundanity of fact checking get in the way of a good story, right?
What else have we got here? Ah, yes, Sealey has “recently served as the director of Big Brothers Big Sisters” in the… oh. In the Cayman Islands. Damn and blast!
Ah, well, this is a bit embarrassing isn’t it? False alarm people. Stop the presses! Apologies for the #fakenews. Although, Diary’s sure if he was keen for a change of scenery, Sir Stuart could propose a sabbatical/work placement swap with Angela.
Diary hears the Cayman Islands are lovely this time of the year. Anywhere with a beach.
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