Society Diary: What kind of music does your lovable mutt like most?

27 Jan 2017 Voices

'And on drums: Ginger Barker'... sure, that wasn't a great drumming pun, but Diary dares you to do better!

Presented without hyperbole, this week's Diary dives deep into a shady study of canine musical preferences, the charitable sector's ongoing war on all things enjoyable and, of course, big Donny Trump. 

Three Dog Night

A study conducted by the Scottish SPCA in concert (you’ll get it in a minute) with the University of Glasgow has revealed that dogs have a favourite type of music. And, according to the Telegraph, it’s not what you might expect*. 

No it’s not classical music, you idiot! Apparently, according to the study, your dog would much prefer that you turn down your Vivaldi and pop on a little Bob Marley or Michael McDonald instead. 

“Far from enjoying the strains for classical music, dogs are happier listening to soft rock or reggae, according to the University of Glasgow and the Scottish SPCA,” writes the Telegraph. 

“Reggae music and soft rock were found to provoke the most positive changes in behaviour and the animal charity is now planning to install sound systems in all its kennels to play Bob Marley and Jon Bon Jovi to their unsuspecting charges.”

Now, eagle-eyed readers may already have noticed that our headline "Three Dog Night" refers to a noted (if utterly appalling) 1980s soft rock band, so that’s one pun neatly wrapped up with a little bow. Also, of course, it would be remiss to report on this story without pointing out that a dog’s Bach is much worse than its bite! Haw, haw, haw. 

Despite being deeply disappointed in dogs in general over this news (reggae, really?), it's comforting to know that the next time a dog gets stressed out, its ire can be soothed with a few bars of Buffalo Soldier.

*‘It’s not what you might expect’ implies that Diary had a preconceived notion of canine musical tastes. It didn’t and, to be honest, still doesn’t and, to be even more honest, who cares?

Charities waging war on diary’s lifestyle

This column is ambivalent about the notion of Dry January. Yes alcohol has numerous harmful effects upon your body, lifestyle and mental health, but as a sozzled old cynic from the Oliver Reed school of recreation, Diary needs the odd pint or glass of wine to get through the early part of the year. 

So, you’ve saved lots of money and have been going to the gym four times a week, for the last three weeks? You’re revelling in your newly taut physique and your skin has the healthy glow of someone who actually looks after themselves? Well good for you, but I’m afraid I don’t want to nip over to yours to watch The Good Wife and crochet a quilt. Nor do I want to spend my Saturday evening baking cakes, drinking lukewarm tea and talking about the latest episode of Corrie. 

Anyway, some people do it and others even do it to raise money for good causes. Fair play. CRUK has its Dryathlon; Alcohol Concern has its Dry January and a few others have some other variations on the same theme. Despite Diary’s earlier protestations, at the end of the day, these are all acceptable and fine. 

And yet, Cancer Research UK has announced a new addition to the fetishised fad of denying oneself pleasurable things in appalling months of icy cold and constant dread. It’s called Sugar Free Feb and, frankly, enough is enough. 

Sure, adults and young children consume twice the maximum recommended amount of added sugar. And yes, sugar is a major cause of people being overweight or obese, which leads to preventable illnesses and death from the likes of cancer, type two diabetes, coronary heart disease and stroke. 

But nevertheless, the charitable sector’s War on Fun has gone too far! What could possibly be next and when does it end? Milk-free March? Nothing-Nice November? Salami-less September?

You can have Diary’s money Cancer Research, but you’ll never have its Minstrels! 

Taking the good with the Badlands

Readers, we’re one week into the Trump presidency and… oh, man, it’s, it’s really mental, isn’t it? Fighting with the media over crowd numbers on the one hand, while firing off executive orders banning abortion funding and immigration with the other.

The bloke is off the charts. He’s gone full Trump. FULL TRUMP IN ONE WEEK! 

There’s not enough room here to catalogue all of the appalling things that Team Trump has already done. However, not without a hint of irony, it was Trump banning a number of National Parks in the United States from tweeting about the effects of climate change, which really caught Diary’s attention this week. 

First: how can a man seemingly incapable of having a single thought in his head without punching it into his Twitter account with his tiny, bright orange thumbs all in CAPS ban agencies from using their own official social media channels to do their job? SAD!

Secondly, having fired off a few climate change facts on Twitter before the gagging order fell, a few of the good people at the Badlands National Park in South Dakota have “gone rogue” and set up an alternative account to keep on tweeting climate facts.

Diary would like to be the first to call upon English Heritage to put its money where its mouth probably should be and join in on the act. It could @ both Theresa May (or Teresa, as she’s known in the States) and/or Donny T himself and fire off a few choice climate change facts. Something like, maybe, 15 OF THE LAST 16 HOTTEST YEARS ON RECORD EVER HAVE OCCURRED SINCE 2001! Or, maybe, GREENLAND LOST LIKE 60 CUBIC MILES OF ARCTIC ICE IN JUST FOUR YEARS BETWEEN 2001 AND 2005. 

Diary doesn’t want to get hot under the collar, but if someone doesn’t do something then we’re likely to irreparably scorch the planet until it becomes unliveable for us and for our children and we’ll all die. 

Who said that facts can't be fun. 

 

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