Society Diary: ‘Sorry but the dog ate our grant cheque’

23 Aug 2019 Voices

This dog has been a Good Boy and not eaten any grant cheques, but nevertheless Diary recommends charities keep money out of reach of eager paws

In a week where a true miracle has happened (no, Boris Johnson’s grand tour of European leaders has not yet yielded any sort of breakthrough that will please everyone – shocker) but as we head into the August bank holiday weekend, most of the country is warm and sunny, with the promise that it will get warmer and sunnier (which is good as Diary bought and built a barbeque two months ago and really ought to use it at least once before the summer is out). 

Anyway in slightly amusing news that is loosely connected to the charity sector, this week we look at two interesting fundraisers and wonder how you would explain to a funder that the dog ate the grant. 

How a torture chamber is raising money for charity 

First we bring you important news about a torture chamber that is helping raise money for charity. 

A torture chamber shipping container made famous by hit TV series Killing Eve is being auctioned for charity.

The sellers have been a bit cagey about the price they are hoping to reach. But bidding begins at just 99p, so hopefully no one is in danger of being ripped off. 

The proceeds from the auction will be going to Great Ormond Street Hospital in London. The auction is being run by shipping container supplier Adaptainer, and was launched on eBay’s charity auctions platform.

Killing Eve is a BBC spy thriller series and has won several awards including a BAFTA. So fingers crossed that the auction can mirror some of the same success.

How much would you pay for an Oreo that has been licked by Lewis Capaldi?

Diary’s heard that the singer Lewis Capaldi, also known as Chewis Capaldi, is auctioning off Oreo biscuits for charity. Great, you might think, pass us the biscuits, hen.

But these are no ordinary cookies, they are “one-off signed, twisted, licked and dunked Oreos” by the multi-talented young Capaldi himself. So not really for serving up on a Sunday when the grandparents come to visit. The eBay proceeds will go to music therapy charity Nordoff Robbins.

Furious bidding on eBay has reached £1,650, with 45 bids for a glass case display of the soggy biscuits. But there are 5 days left for anyone looking for a bargain this bank holiday.

Capaldi explained himself in a vid, where he says: “My name’s Lewis Capaldi and I’m here today with these, my face on a packet of Oreos, and I'm going to get my tongue in about every last one of them, and I'm going to lick them like there's no tomorrow, for you."

Diary only has McVities digestives in the kitchens at Civil Society Towers. But will accept any biscuity leftovers from the Chewie-Lewi himself, if he also brings us a brew.

The dog ate my grant

A tweet from an American charity founder caught Diary’s attention this week. Jake Levenson sheepishly admitted that his dog, Daisy, had just eaten a cheque for $50,000 and he was going to have to write and explain this to the grantmaker.




Levenson has not revealed how he broke the news to the funder, but this is how Diary imagines it could have gone.: 

Dear extremely generous and wonderful funder,

Thank you for the very generous grant, it will be a huge help to us.

Sadly a most unfortunate incident has occurred and I am no longer in possession of the actual cheque.

I can assure you that there were no lapses in governance or financial controls, but a minor issue with self-control. You see Daisy, my beloved dog, was so excited and delighted with the grant that she wanted to examine the evidence. 

In her excitement she showed her appreciation of the donation in the only way dogs know: by licking it enthusiastically. In doing so she inadvertently swallowed the piece of paper. 

Obviously this is extremely embarrassing, and as you can see from the picture Daisy is very sorry for any inconvenience caused. 

But I wonder if you might send another cheque. And I promise, this time, to keep it out of reach of sticky paws!

Again, very grateful for all the support, 

Jake (and Daisy) 


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