Bonjour readers! Diary hopes everyone has followed police advice and prepared a "grab bag" for emergencies (that are definitely not Brexit related). Diary's consists exlusively of premix tins of gin and tonic, out-of-date crisps and the complete works of Charles Dickens.
But onward with charity satire. This week we look at important advice from the Dogs Trust and report the shock news that charity workers are lazier than journalists.
Now, we all know it is illegal for man and beast to express their love for one another by getting married. But it is perfectly fine and normal to incorporate a pet into the wedding of two humans.
However, before you start knitting a priest outfit for your bichon frise, Diary urges you to heed the Dogs Trust’s advice and “view the day from your dog's perspective”.
This week, the Dogs Trust hit the headlines after it published behaviour and training considerations for dog-friendly weddings.
Here’s the tips:
- Make them a cosy den at the venue where they can relax undisturbed if necessary.
- Have people your dog knows and trusts care for them throughout the day.
- Prepare your dog in advance to help them enjoy your special day.
- Preparation and practice make perfect - so include some dog training in your wedding planning.
- Be mindful that your dog might get more and more excited or overwhelmed during the day.
Being a dog sounds great, doesn’t it? Why can’t someone prepare a cosy den for Diary to escape to when it has dragged itself along to a friend of a friend’s special day? Wouldn’t it be marvellous to enjoy a bottle of champers in piece without having to work the room.
If Diary were to be ungenerous, it might suggest that an alternative solution for nearly-weds thinking about employing their dog as a ring-bearer might be to consider making some human friends instead.
But to be fair, the charity’s “best dog” and “dog of honour” bandanas do look adorable.
Where do charity workers come in the Fit-Se index?
This week Diary was sent some important research from a private healthcare provider about how much exercise people in different job sectors manage. It reveals: "One in 10 of those working in the charity industry do no exercise, and up to half only manage up to 30 minutes a day".
Pretty poor really. In fact charities are the third laziest sector, far behind the media (yes we were shocked too).
By comparison all journalists do at least some exercise and nearly three-quarters do more than 30 minutes a day. As you would imagine Diary is in top physical condition and has prepared the following tips:
- Jumping to conclusions - make rash assumptions based on one tweet, half a press release or an overheard conversation and burn at least 50 calories.
- Run for the bus - get the heart pumping by oversleeping after a long night of networking by getting up late and running for the bus. Make this extra challenging by carrying a bag full of notebooks, a laptop and a flask of coffee.
- Lifting pints - tone those arm muscles by heading to the nearest pub (many open at 11am) on a regular basis. For a balanced physique buy two pints of the beverage of your choice and alternate.