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Society Diary: Man drives motorised shed for charity

18 Aug 2017 Voices

Yes, that's a shed. And a perfectly fine, ordinary one at that. Doesn't have a motor though, or four wheels.

Another Friday has arrived dear readers and, yeah, Nazis seem to be coming back into vogue in the United States of America which is, at best, bad news. Returning from her holiday, the best our PM could do to remonstrate with Donald Trump’s closet fascism encouragement was, well, talk about how bad it’s going to be that the clock chimes of Big Ben are going to fall silent.

This country is in all sorts of bother.

Anyway, this week in the world of satirical charity sector news: a man and his daughter are driving a shed from Land’s End to John O’Groats for charity (as you do), a local charity experiences the full force of the Dark Side, and a crowdfunder for a sexual health book sits at about half-mast.

Raising shed loads of cash

Everyone loves a good wacky fundraising campaign, don’t they? Indeed, no one gets more excited about wacky fundraising campaigns than this particular column – surely everyone remembers the coverage we gave to that fella who took a week to crawl the full London Marathon course in a gorilla suit.

Well, Diary’s happy to report that a father and daughter team have cropped up again in the news for fundraising-related reasons and is going to throw it over to The Scotsman now, to really set the scene.

“A dad and his teenage daughter are embarking on an epic journey from Land’s End to John O’Groats, in the world’s fastest SHED”.

This story has got everything Diary wants. In, er, spades.

“Kevin Nicks, a 52-year-old mechanic and gardener, transformed his Volkswagen Passat into a shed which is capable of travelling at speeds of 100mph”.

You see, Diary just wants mower and mower of this story.

“Complete with remote central locking, leather seats and air con, the two-tonne vehicle will be used by Nicks and his 14-year-old daughter on the 870-mile journey”.

If the thing breaks down en-route, it’s good to know that they’ll likely have the tools to fix it. Also, 100mph in a shed? The thing must go like… well, something off a shovel.

You wouldn’t want to crash it though, you’d feel a bit of a spanner.

The two are going on their epic shed-venture to raise money for a local Oxfordshire hospice, which cared for Nick’s mother who died there of cancer earlier in the year. They hope to raise £10,000.

Diary truly hopes the Nicks hammer there target. Really just abosultely nails it. really screw it on and go at it hammer and tongs. You get the point.

A Darth day for charity

In sadder news this week, the BBC has reported that thieves made off with six inflatable Darth Vaders, a Star Trek Klingon gun and some Doctor Who sonic screwdrivers from a charity ahead of a special event for people with disabilities.

The 1st Sensory Legion Charity in Peterborough had been storing the items in a garage ahead of its Feel the Force Day event, an annual sensory sci-fi convention it holds for people with disabilities.

Diary can only hope that the forces of good track down the thieves and freeze them in carbonite, or feed them to a Sarlaac.

I mean, Darth Vader was evil and everything but, seriously, even he wouldn’t steal things from a charity working with the disabled. Probably.

Thankfully, the thieves didn’t make off with the majority of the charity’s props for the event. They left behind a five-foot tall Dalek, which is something.

Crowdfunding cock-up

Finally, to the ever-changing world of crowdfunding and two peoples attempts to raise £5,000 to publish “an illustrated book featuring the best ways to say penis and vagina” – the profits of which would have gone to FPA – the UK’s largest sexual health charity.

As of the time of publishing, the book – provisionally titled ‘Colourful Cocks and Quims’ – has so far raised just over half of its £5,000 target from 96 supporters.

It also claims to be “60 pages of cocks, fannies, and fun facts about them” as well as some other fairly… well, interesting, euphemisms for both male and female genitalia. Diary’s favourite remains ‘pork sword’ which, if you’re reading this dear reader, means the editing process has broken down somewhat.

Anyway, link to the crowdfunder here, if that’s your sort of thing. The balls are in your court, really.

 

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