Our weekly round-up of outlandish and interesting information collected from the corners of the charity sector.

A idea to quack jokes about

Sometimes, it’s murder on the towpath by a canal. It looks serene, with the narrowboats and overhanging trees and the gentle lap of water.

But in the city there are mums with pushchairs and cyclists and runners and Canal and River Trust fundraisers jumping out from behind bridges with clipboards and asking for £3 a month. It's a dangerous place to walk.

Especially if you’re a duck.

Apparently there are lots of ducks on the canals, but they’re having problems making their web-footed way safely down their waterside thoroughfare.

Which is why the Canal and River Trust has thoughtfully marked out duck lanes along some city waterways, to give our feathered friends their own space.

Obviously, the idea didn’t really fly with the ducks, who don't really understand the idea of lanes, and can't read very well, and have continued to waddle where they will.

Presumably it was really intended to stir up some debate – really put the duck among the pigeons, as it were.

And just perhaps, it was intended to drum up a bit of publicity for the Canal and River Trust at a very low cost. Two thirds of duck all, in fact.

The dog ate our accounts

It’s rare that Diary delves into the murky world of statutory inquiry reports, but this week has, unusually, yielded some entertainment.

The Charity Commission, released from the constraints of purdah, is likely to carry on pumping these reports out at the rate of one or two a day for what looks likely to be, oh gosh, ages, and a lot of them are from charities which couldn’t file their accounts on time.

Not just charities which couldn’t file their accounts, though. That's a whole higher plane of competence.

We're talking about those which were investigated for filing their accounts, filed some, didn’t file others, were investigated again, and eventually handed in all appropriate paperwork with a series of dog-ate-my-homework excuses that Diary once tried essaying, with limited success, when it was just a young column in short trousers.

Among the reasons are: “we lost the password to our accounting system”, “the bank wouldn’t let us have our own cash after the trustee they used to speak to died”, “we couldn’t understand our accounting systems” and finally, Diary’s favourite – “our accountants were slow”.

It’s a picture of utter haplessness, altogether. It does make you feel for the Commission, really.

In the last case, one set of accounts were more than four years late. You would have to think that a stronger word than “slow” could be employed at that point. Or at least that a couple of words ending in -ing could have been gainfully employed before that adjective.

Oh look! A red, er, nose

So the US has imported Britain’s best-loved charity fundraiser, Red Nose Day, and celebrities over the pond have been donning the obligatory facial decoration to sell it to the public. It seems to have gone down rather well with Americans, who after all aren’t as conflicted as the British when it comes to wearing something silly and being brash and generally being wacky.

No muttering “Oh, for God’s sake, if I must,” for the Americans. These are a people for whom enthusiasm is instinctive - welcomed even. Not like the British.

Anyway, everyone got in on the act – actors, singers, comedians, and people who are famous for absolutely no discernible reason at all.

In that last happy category we can include the ubiquitous but purposeless Kim Kardashian and her whole clan of vapid siblings. However as you can see from the photo below, Kim may not have entirely understood where the viewer’s focus was supposed to be centred.