Ian Allsop shames political red faces and embraces charitable red noses.

I spend more time worrying about politicians than is healthy but, like Jeremy Clarkson being offered a sandwich, they are so in-your-face.

It will only get worse in the lead-up to the general election – and beyond – as we could end up with a Parliament hung more ways than a Babylonian garden.

Eric Pickles spoke out about sock puppet charities (presumably ones knitted when Brooks Newmark was still around) and published a written statement saying all government departments should stop making payments that support activity intended to influence Parliament, government or political parties.

The sector has seen this as a further attack on its right to speak out and has spoken out in no uncertain terms in response. What it basically amounts to is that charities need to be properly independent and can only achieve this if the government tells them what to do. It is not in the taxpayers’ interest to fund activity that could help taxpayers.

Paying lip service

Charities minister Rob Wilson supported Pickles’ stance, while paying lip service to the important principle of charities campaigning.

However, in an example that could serve as a summary for how the coalition has formulated policy over the last five years, Wilson admitted “he had not read the statement in detail”.

Rather than bother with tedious legislation and traditional lobbying, if charities really want to influence MPs they should offer them cash (around £5,000 is the going rate I believe) in shady meetings. By now we should not be surprised at the greed of politicians, but what is more worrying is the arrogance they have that they won’t get caught.

All of this makes it concerning that my eldest son Tom’s current teacher, who he really respects and is a fine educator, has said he thinks Tom would make a good politician. Is that slander? In all seriousness, I think it was meant as a compliment.

Tom is part of the school public-speaking team, which won the district final, and where he displayed a potent mix of coherent argument and rhetoric. He was also elected to the school council on the back of a promise to increase the size of school-dinner portions (that’s my boy).

So, actually thinking about it, seeking votes via a pledge he has no power to implement means he would make a perfect politician.

He was subsequently chosen as chair of the school council, after a second vote. He would have won first time round if he had realised he could vote for himself and this lack of a sufficiently selfish streak could ultimately hold him back.

Comic Relief’s biennial fundraiser last month saw the school encouraging pupils to bake and decorate cupcakes, to be sold at 20 pence a go.

Now I won’t harp on about how it would have been more efficient from an income generation point of view if I had just given the six quid I spent on ingredients and fondant icing straight to Lenny Henry. The important thing is engaging the children in activity that raises money and awareness.

When I reminded Tom to take 20 pence in with which to buy a cake, he responded that he didn’t need to because they were organising and running the actual sale – members of the school council got a free one. I suggested that that wasn’t really the point and he should still make a donation.

Prodigious fundraising

Despite having raised over a billion pounds in the last 30 years, there are always negative comments being made about Comic Relief, especially on social media.

Piers Morgan got Twitter users all steamed up by saying this year’s TV spectacular was not funny enough for him. He also claimed that all comedians involved make a lot of cash off the back of their TV appearance, not all for charity.

As regular readers will testify, I am no arbiter of what is or isn’t humorous. I thought the night had its moments, and it was nice to see my kids watching it with the same enthusiasm I did when younger – where you secretly wished that, while all very worthwhile and moving, they would just stop showing sad films and asking for cash and get on with the chuckles.

It was certainly a blessed relief from the hilarious antics of our elected officials.

Ian Allsop is a freelance editor and journalist, and regular contributor to Charity Finance.