Our weekly round-up of interesting and outlandish information, collected from the corners of the charity sector. 

Leaseholder left to smoulder over large boulder

It seems that in its quest to become Diary’s favourite source of satirical voluntary sector fodder, the Canal and River Trust has left one stone unturned.

A café owner in Stockport has claimed that the charity has refused to move a “giant boulder” which is blocking his car park – unless, that is, he forks over £10,000 for the privilege.

Colin Blease – pictured here in the Manchester Evening News both leaning on said boulder, and posing in front of his ‘High Lane Tea Rooms’ establishment – has been locked in a land dispute with the Canal and River Trust since he opened the café in December 2015.

Blease is renting the premises from one Karl Gwinnett, but the land on which the boulder – and, incidentally, a twenty vehicle carpark that would offer sumptuously convenient access to Blease’s café – lies on land that is held by the Trust.

The charity say that they met with Gwinnett when he originally purchased the property, but he refused to enter a formal agreement with them to access the property. “He continued to access our land without permission,” a Canal and River Trust spokesperson is quoted as saying. “It was for this reason that access was restricted”.

Yes, that’s right. The offending boulder was in fact dragged there, on purpose, by the charity. An act so petty and vindictive as to be, well, pretty impressive actually.

Now poor old Colin Blease – who looks very much like he’s from Stockport, less so the proprietor of a Victorian-style, high tea café – is stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. Or between a canal and the deep blue river, or something.

Where did the Trust get the 10 grand figure from, though? Blease believes they “plucked it out of thin air”. The Trust however say they would be “happy to negotiate a right of access” across its land, but reiterated its “need to ensure that we get the best value for the Trust”.

It seems the ball is in the landowner’s court, while the boulder – for the time being – remains distinctly in Blease’s.

'Your donation, or your life'

As you’ve probably heard from older co-workers, UKIP politicians and/or your grandparents, things were quite clearly better in the ‘olden days’. The air tasted sweeter, the summers were longer and you could smoke just about everywhere.

After the last 12-months, you could probably forgive fundraisers in general for looking back wistfully on the past. One needn’t go that far back to remember – circa 2007 or so – a time when donors’ wallets were fatter and the good name of big, fundraising charities everywhere hadn’t been sullied by accusations of great-grannycide and exorbitant salaries for ‘fat-cat’ chief execs.

Sure, the early 2000s were good, but this column has uncovered historical, photographic evidence which proves that the 1930s were, in fact, the best time to be a charity fundraiser. A face-to-face fundraiser, anyway.

Don’t believe, Diary? Wrap your maculas around these tweets:

 

 

Yes, indeed. That is a man dressed as noted, romantic highwaymen of yore, Dick Turpin, raising money for Hounslow Hospital in the 1930s. Pulling over motorists and demanding donations. Less face-to-face fundraising, more like face-to-firearm fundraising.

Can you imagine what the PFRA would make of this kind of thing now? A scraggly, hungover, student in a charity branded mask and period costume, weaving between double decker buses and angry motorists on Oxford Street with a prop flintlock pistol. His cries of “stand and deliver! Your donation or your life,” drowned out by the horns and incandescent swearing. 

The Mail would have an absolute field day.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nope, it’s a bunch of babies

A Clacton-based charity is using “superhero babies” to raise funds.

Diary is going to let the Clacton Gazette take the lead on this one because, as has been discussed in this column on multiple occasions, sometimes local newspaper journalists just get it right.

“A group of babies will be summoning their inner superhero to help raise money for research to help stop infant casualties.

“Baby Sensory Braintree are taking part in a superhero 'Sensathon' to collect cash for Tommy's children's charity who fund medical research into the prevention of premature birth, stillbirth and miscarriage.”

On 3 June, parents of babies up to 13-months old are being invited to dress their babies up in “capes, masks and full body suits” to try and raise £375,000 for Tommy’s. Sure, sounds like a fun idea but, this column can’t help but take umbrage with the idea of babies in ‘full body suits’.

God help us all if someone dresses their kid up as Wonder Woman…

Paying the Trump card

Finally, there’s a tavern in Kentish Town that is apparently raising money to “send one of our staff to [the] U.S.A to punch Donald Trump in the face”.

If you live in North London and have been looking for a charitable cause to get behind, Diary can’t help but think you should endorse this one.