Society Diary:$30m sculpture not donated to museum because it won’t fit inside

10 Oct 2014 Voices

Our weekly round-up of outlandish and interesting information collected from the corners of the charity sector.

Our weekly round-up of outlandish and interesting information collected from the corners of the charity sector.

Giant monkey, big problem

So imagine you’re a charitable museum, and you’ve waited seven years for one of the world’s most expensive sculptures to be delivered. But it won’t fit through the door.

That’s the fate that befell the Dairy Art Centre, the free-to-access museum run by millionaire collector Frank Cohen, who bought “Balloon Monkey (Orange)”, one of five sculptures by Jeff Koons, the world’s most expensive living artist.

So Cohen’s selling it, instead, and the museum, presumably, will get bugger all.

Still, let’s look on the bright side. If the museum needs a replacement, Diary also does a fine line in balloon animals, and can knock one up for well under $30m, and in less than seven years, too.

It just didn’t fly with the public

The great Ryanair charm offensive continues apace. Or perhaps, more honestly, the great Ryanair we’re-going-to-try-to-pretend-that-we’re-not-total-bastards-and-treat-all-customers-like-cattle offensive continues apace.

The victim of this week’s PR whitewash is the airline’s annual charity calendar, which chief exeuctive Michael O'Leary has reluctantly axed.

Every year since 2008 it has featured members of the cabin crew in bikinis, high heels and loads of fake tan, bimbling about on a beach in Cyprus or pointing randomly at bits of a plane.

The calendar's attracted its fair share of disapprobation, and in 2011 it was deemed so tacky that even the notoriously permissive ASA eventually told them to tone it down a bit.

It did raise £85,000 in donations last year, but the charity element never seems to have been exactly highlighted.

Or to put it another way, the company drummed up loads of publicity by getting national newspapers to carry pictures of their stewardesses wearing nothing but a few bits of bright-coloured dental floss, and justified it by bunging the Teenage Cancer Trust a few quid.

The Daily Mail, in its usual way, reported in detail last week on the demise of the calendar, and decided to illustrate it by posting no fewer than 14 different pictures of women in their smalls.

Maybe next time take a boat

Diary is a great supporter of purposeless activity in the name of raising money for charity. Even more so, to be honest, if someone attempts something mighty and fails miserably.

Which brings us to the story of Reza Baluchi, a distance runner and long-term charity fundraiser, who set off to run from Florida to Bermuda in a home-made “hydro-pod”. It’s a distance of 1,033 miles, but after 70 he ran out of puff and phoned the Coast Guard to come and take him home.

So there we go. An ignominious end, really.

Diary could criticise, but then, as Teddy Roosevelt pointed out, it’s not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out who the strong man stumbles. The credit belongs to the man who if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. Which would be our Reza.

Diary, on the other hand, is happy to sit at home in an armchair in the warm, among those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. Particularly defeat.

#Cojones

With reference to last week’s extended run of gags about Brooks Newmark – a knitathon, perhaps – Diary was amused this week to see a tweet from political journalist Isabel Oakeshott:

“Surprised to see Brooks Newmark sauntering cheerfully through Portcullis House today apparently without care in the world.”

She went on the observe that this showed some #cojones.

Yep. As more than one response to her tweet pointed out, he's really shown some balls.