Society Diary: How the commission, not the Empire, defeated the Jedi

06 Jan 2017 Voices

It would seem, in this case at least, that the press release is mightier than the lightsabre

Our weekly round-up of interesting and outlandish information, collected from the corners of the charity sector.

Episode VIII (?): No hope

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… the Charity Commission defeated the Jedi in a more complete (albeit, bloodless) way than the combined powers of the Empire and the Sith ever did.

I know, dear readers, you've already got a bad feeling about this.

Yes, it is this column’s solemn duty to report that the Charity Commission rejected an application for charitable status by the Temple of the Jedi Order. 

It’s probably fair to say that it was not the result that the Jedis were looking for. 

On 19 December 2016, the commission – no doubt at the pernicious behest of absolute Emperor Palpatine doppelgänger William Shawcross – struck the final, decisive blow for the dark side of the force. Not with an intergalactic weapons platform; hordes of AT-ATs, or even with an epic lightsaber duel - but with something far more terrifying. They did it with a press release. 

“The Charity Commission, the independent regulator and registrar of charities in England and Wales, today published its decision to reject an application for registration by The Temple of the Jedi Order.

The decision goes on to say that, although the Jedi’s application was made on “the basis that Jediism is a religion, the Commission considered whether Jediism would promote moral or ethical improvement”. 

To conclude a story conducted not long ago, in an office building not far away, the commission concluded that no, the Temple of the Jedi Order is not really a religion and, even more stinging, “does not promote moral or ethical improvement”, whatever that particularly nebulous phrase means. 

And the Rebel Alliance thought that the destruction of Alderaan was its darkest day… 

Anyway, the Jedi took it pretty mildly. No mind tricks. No throwing people in Sarlac pits. Instead the Temple of the Order of the Jedi’s official website – linked here, for your enjoyment – played a depressingly straight bat to the Charity Commission’s ruling. Barely a single pun about Darth Vader. No mention of protocol droids. Instead, quite a few self-professed Jedi seem to be surprisingly well-versed in charity law. Maybe they learned it at knight school.

Which begs the question of what the Commission would have done, had the Dark Lords of the Sith applied for charitable status? Would some unfortunate functionary have found themselves on the wrong end of a double-ended lightsaber?

Yet, at the same time, this column can’t help but think that the Sith would never apply for charitable status because, well, inter-galactic genocide and destruction aren’t exactly your bog-standard charitable objectives. It’s a conundrum, really. 

The peerless William Shawcross

On New Year’s Eve 2016, this column spent most of its time wondering whether or not it had purchased enough snack food to feed a number of mildly drunk guests – crisps and dips, really, nothing too fancy. New Year’s Eve is horrible enough without having to worry about burning one’s vol-au-vents.

What did you get up to, dear reader?

Were you perusing the Telegraph’s website for breaking charity sector news?

Well if you were you’ll have come across this interview with Charity Commission chair William Shawcross.

While the interview covered all the usual stuff – terrorism, the wafer-thin skin of ‘charity leaders’ around things like executive pay, and getting members of the public to ‘quiz chuggers’ - there was one question which really stuck out for Diary. 

Would you, asked Christopher Hope, one day like to become a Conservative peer? 

“Roaring with laughter, he [Shawcross] says: 'Oh come on there are far too many peers. I am not a Tory peer. I am totally non-partisan'"

No, William, you’re not, currently, a Tory peer. The question was, would you one-day like to become one? Read between the lines there, and the answer becomes pretty obvious. Much like with jazz music, it’s all about the Conservative peerages that William Shawcross isn’t turning down in the future, that really matter. 

One for the calendar

It’s 2017 and while the dates are all the same as last year, all the corresponding days have changed and, well, you’re in the market for a new calendar, essentially.

Everyone likes a dog calendar, right? Dogs are so sweet, and furry and warm around the eyes and… Oh My God, what in the hell is this? 

Over to you, Daily Mail

‘Cockapoo lovers bare all for a NUDE charity calendar with their dogs’ reads the headline.

Diary will keep this short. There’s a mongrel breed of dog called a Cockapoo (half Cocker Spaniel, half Poodle); some people like these dogs; these people have formed an online community (The Cockapoo Community, which isn’t exactly original); other people don’t like this breed of dog.

In what essentially amounts to a PR exercise, TCC have decided to produce a nude calendar with their dogs to sell to improve the breed’s image. 

If you scroll down on the article, you’ll come to the third picture. Three cockapoos: ‘Bailey, Barney and Cookie’, some fairly cheap outdoor furniture and two naked people; ‘Jane and Andy’.

Look at Andy’s face. Look at it.

It may just be possible - Diary doesn't want to speculate too far - that Andy wasn't totally on board with a naked dog calendar. Or perhaps there may be other reasons for the look of abject horror which appears to be crossing his features.

 

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