Opinion

Chairman's Corner: Over-sensitivity or genuine discrimination?

Governance | 1 May 2009

One female trustee has advised that she feels uncomfortable by a male trustees remarks but the chair is afraid to rock the boat by taking action. The Chairman offers his thoughts.

Dear Chairman,

A sensitive, potentially tricky situation has arisen involving two of our trustees. We are a very happy charity with a relatively small board and staff which work very well together to meet our objectives effectively. Our people are all dedicated to the cause and have worked well as a team in a positive and constructive environment.

I was therefore somewhat surprised when one of my trustees, Mrs X, took me to one side after a recent trustee meeting and, with evident reluctance, said that she felt obliged to mention to me the behaviour of a fellow trustee, Mr Y. It seems that she feels uncomfortable that Mr Y tends to address her as ‘my dear lady' and to refer to her as ‘the radiant Mrs X'. She says he also insists on opening doors for her but never thinks to offer her a tea or coffee, fully expecting that she or a female member of staff will always serve the refreshments. She points out that she simply wants to be treated on an equal footing with the other (male) trustees. She does not feel threatened by Mr Y but she does feel patronised and made to feel uncomfortable.

Now this may all sound trivial. Mr Y is a terribly pleasant and charming man and I suspect that he would be devastated to learn that he had caused Mrs X any discomfort, let alone distress. Perhaps Mrs X is being a little oversensitive to entirely innocent and well-intentioned remarks. However, now that she has raised it with me I feel obliged to do something. The question is what? I certainly don't want to upset a happy ship. What do you suggest?

Yours sincerely,

E.Q. Arpps

Dear Mr Arpps,

You find yourself treading a careful path through a tricky minefield populated with today's concepts of diversity, equal opportunities and harassment. Let's consider the key aspects of the situation you describe.

1. You and your colleagues generally enjoy cordial and collegiate working relationships.
2. Mrs X clearly feels uncomfortable, but not threatened, about certain aspects of Mr Y's behaviour.
3. You consider Mr Y to be a charming and entirely well-meaning individual.
4. You raise the possibility that Mrs X is being a little oversensitive.
5. You don't want to cause any unpleasantness or disruption to your ‘happy charity'.

As for 1, this is a plus point and should give you confidence that you have a strong foundation on which to work.Considering points 2 and 4, what matters is that Mrs X does feel uncomfortable and perceives Mr Y's behaviour as being inappropriate and sexist. Granted it may not be at the extreme end of the spectrum, and almost certainly is not intended to offend, but nevertheless it is discriminatory and inappropriate. (I suspect Mr Y does not refer to male colleagues as ‘the radiant Mr Z').

Raising the issue with Mr Y will require tact and sensitivity. You are probably right that he will be totally surprised that Mrs X, or anyone else, could be offended by his behaviour; and may find it impossible to believe that his well-intentioned, gentlemanly behaviour could do anything but demonstrate his respect for her. It will be important not to blow the issue out of proportion.

You must focus on helping him to understand that it is not his intentions that matter, it is the way his behaviour is perceived and received by Mrs X; and that she is not being unreasonable in articulating the way she wishes to be treated. If he can demonstrate his respect for her by respecting her wishes, then there is no reason why they cannot continue to work together in a cordial and constructive environment. Indeed, Mrs X will respect Mr Y all the more for acknowledging the need to adjust his behaviour.

You do not mention whether your charity has a diversity policy in place. If not, now might be a good time to introduce one and use the opportunity for trustees and staff to develop a common understanding of what it means. In essence it should seek to ensure a working environment that is free from discrimination and intimidation and in which all are treated fairly and with dignity and respect.

If you can achieve this within the confines of a couple of informal, confidential conversations, followed up by the development and introduction of a diversity policy; (or a review exercise on your existing policy if you have one), then you should be able to avoid matters escalating into a formal complaint or grievance and maintain the happy and positive working environment your charity has enjoyed.

Yours etc,

The Chairman

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